I was a good wife for a long time. I really was. I cooked the dinners. I went to the school events. I smiled at his coworkers at the holiday party and laughed at jokes I had heard three times before. And the whole time, a part of me was quietly dying inside.
Then one night I did something I never thought I would do. I called a number I had saved in my phone for months, my thumb hovering over it every night. And just like that, I became a cheating wife. I wish I could tell you I felt guilty about it. I felt alive for the first time in years, like someone had finally opened a window in a room I had been locked in.
Now I have a whole other life that nobody knows about. A life where I am not anyone's wife and not anyone's mother. I am just a woman who wants what she wants and takes it without apology. I sneak calls during my lunch break from the office parking lot. I lock the bedroom door when he is watching the game downstairs. I have become very, very good at being bad, and I am proud of it.
You want to know the best part? The danger makes everything hotter. Every whisper matters more when someone could overhear it. Every fantasy feels bigger and more vivid when it is forbidden. I never knew I liked living on the edge until I stepped off of it, and now I never want to climb back up.
I am not the only one out here. There are so many of us, good wives with wicked secrets, and we are all looking for someone who understands. Someone who will not judge me. Someone who will encourage me to be even naughtier next time, who will give me new ideas for my secret life.
It started small, the way these things always do. A lingering look at a stranger. A fantasy I let play a little too long. Then one day I realized I was done asking for permission to want what I want. If you have ever wondered what it is like to be a married woman living a double life, let me show you. I am living proof that the good girls are the naughtiest ones.
Are you that someone? I think you might be. I can feel it. Call the dispatcher and ask for Courtney. I am done being good, I am done pretending, and I am just getting started being gloriously, deliciously bad.
Deliciously guilty,
Courtney